Daycare heartbreak...

So as you all know Lucy goes to daycare a few days a week. This morning was for whatever reason a difficult day for me to leave her. I hate walking out the door and not having her with me throughout the day. Anyway, on with the story...
As I was standing there taking forever to say goodbye to my little girl a mom walks in with her son, he is already in tears. She promptly tells Diana (the owner/operator of the daycare) that he has a doctors appointment at 9:30, she signs him in and walks out the door...all while I stood there in tears. Poor Elijah just stood there crying at the door it was heartbreaking. I asked Diana, "Does it get easier like that?" She sighed and said, "for most moms, no" and then proceeded to tell me the story of Elijah...
His parents aren't married, he is passed from mom to dad to grandma and back and forth. This past week was his first time at daycare too. It is the first time he has ever had a stable schedule since he is passed around so much. She said he struggles greatly in part because each of the adults caring for him have let him be a "TV kid." Now, don't get me wrong there's nothing wrong with a little TV but letting the TV be the baby sitter is something I struggle with.
Because Elijah is passed around so much his mom is perfectly okay leaving him without a word. She walked out that door this morning without a hug or an "I love you." And all Elijah could do was stand at the door staring after her. I felt my heart breaking for this little boy...


How many kids go through life this way? How many have grandma and grandpa for parents since their parents pass them off so easily? How many kids go each day without hearing "I love you" and getting a hug? I can't stand the thought of leaving Lucy, how can some parents so easily drop their kids off without a hint of remorse? I hate letting Lucy get babysat by her grandma's because I hate feeling like I'm missing out on her life. I couldn't imagine sending her to dad's or grandma's regularly. I am so very grateful that Tyler and I are a married couple and that she will be raised with a mom and dad together. It's easy to forget how important that is sometimes when you are so focused on everything else going on. Seeing Elijah and his mom this morning made me all the more grateful for moments like these:

playing with daddy

talking to daddy on Christmas morning

our family on Christmas eve

  I'm so very grateful for my husband and the fact that he is a wonderful father. I am grateful that even on bad days we still love each other. I'm grateful for my daughter and the wonderful baby that she is. I'm grateful that we are a family that spends time together, laughs together, and works at being together. I'm grateful to think that one day Lucy will be able to run into our room on Christmas morning and wake up mommy and daddy at the same time...that we won't have to decide which parent gets to have her on Christmas day... I'm grateful my job allows me to only need to take her to daycare 3 1/2 days a week. I'm lucky to tell my daughter every day just how much I love her because it really is a blessing to be able to say that to her every day...

Wednesday's Lunch Break Scramble!!

Okay, so I've come to terms with the fact that on Tuesday's I have a difficult time leaving Lucy to swing or play while I try and do things. It's my one day off and I'd much rather spend it with her then doing laundry or such (unless she's napping that is!) So I've decided to take my lunch breaks to essentially run around like a chicken with my head cut off getting things done that I don't other wise get much opportunity to work on... So today I started Part 1 of my closet/crafting organization.
We don't really use our spare/guest bedroom that much so that ends up being the dumping ground for all the stuff we need to deal with. This morning it looked like this:

Not terrible but not exactly great either. This year for Christmas Tyler got me a cricut, I love scrapbooking and I've had my eye on one of them for quite awhile so I was pretty excited! However, I didn't really have a place for it. We recently have been moving things around the house as we've been getting more stuff for Lucy like a playpen, jumperoo, walker, etc. I ended up having a small table and chair set that I didn't have a place for so I moved it into the corner of the room and my cricut now has a home! I put all my albums and materials on the book shelf leaving the bottom shelf for books still. I left the cradle and rocking horse in the room for a place Lucy to hang out while I work on things. The twin bed works nicely as a place for Tyler to relax and watch TV if we all want to be in the same room also! (The boxes I've just stashed to put our Christmas ornaments in so they just got moved to our storage area!) Tyler's hunting stuff once occupied this room so I gathered up his extra stuff that was just lying around and will be working on making the closet in this room the storage area for his things. So here's the after picture!

I'm pretty excited! I now have a space to do my scrapbooking and such that I don't have to pack away constantly!
So, part 2 will be the closet where his hunting stuff currently is and the closet it's going to be moved to! (Here's the before pictures on those: keep in mind Tyler decided to put away the gift wrapping stuff from Christmas and so it looks much worse then it really is, I promise!)

the closet where it will be and where my scrapbooking things used to be

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

the closet where his hunting stuff currently is

...

Anyway, there you go, the beginning attempts at organizing my house! (I bought space bags for spare bedding and various items, I'm pretty excited to try them out and see if they really work!)

My horrible, very bad, no good week.

 Let me tell you about my week, my horrible, very bad, no good week. Okay so that was a bit dramatic, my week actually did have some good however the horrible and very bad don't even come close to how horrible and very bad some moments were....

Monday- my first day back to work...it went swimmingly aside from the emotional breakdowns about leaving my daughter at daycare. I enjoyed being back and was reminded of why exactly I do what I do. That night Tyler and I decided to have our family Christmas since Christmas eve and Christmas day were to be jam packed. (I promise I'll do a Christmas post later!)

Tuesday- my day off- I get a day off in the middle of the week since I work on sunday's- Monday's we have staff meetings, wednesdays are church nights, friday's are the pastor's day off so I got to pick between tuesday and thursday- mondays are terrible so I picked tuesdays to use as my "monday recovery day!" Well, Lucy was fussy and didn't let me get any of my projects done and that was okay, we cuddled and took naps together, I attempted to get some cleaning done, etc. I was pretty content with this day.

Wednesday and Thursday- the official beginning to my own personal hell (sorry this isn't an exaggeration...not for me anyway) At midnight, Lucy woke up crying- this is abnormal- she normally sleeps a good 5-6 hrs straight when you first put her to bed. She was warm but I figured it was because I had added an extra blanket to her bed, so, I took the blanket away, fed her and she fell right back asleep. Then 4am rolled around. She woke up screaming. Not crying, not fussing, screaming. I picked her up and she was roasting. Her first initial temp I took was 100.6 (under the arm pit...so add a degree and it was 101.6). I stripped her down to her diaper and cooled her lukewarm washcloths. She relaxed enough to eat and fell back asleep. starting at 6 I called my mom she said to call the ER and ask what to do they said to wait until my dr's office opened and call them or if her temp went up between then and when the dr's office opened to bring her in. Well she stayed stable and I finally got an appointment for 10:45 for her to see the doctor. We went in and he couldn't see any signs of what would be causing her fever so we were sent to the ER to get tests run. He ordered blood to be taken, urine to be taken and chest xrays to be taken. Watching my daughter get poked, prodded and scanned was torture. She was sick, crying, didn't feel good and then she had to be put through the ringer to see what was wrong with her. Eventually her doctor decided it was an infection like a cold or something. Her highest temperature recorded was 101.9. She was then admitted into the hospital for observation and to receive antibiotic treatments through an IV. We were told she would probably be released thrusday however, her fever didn't break until about 3am thursday morning and we were kept there until friday morning at about 10:30. Watching your six week old baby lay in a hospital crib wired up to machines with people sticking needles in her constantly and not being able to pick her up easily was one of the most heart breaking moments of my life. I have never cried so much watching her go through all of this.

Friday- Friday her doctor came to visit her and said she was doing much better and they were satisfied with her having received the 48 hours of antibiotic treatments. So like I said before, we were released friday morning at about 10:30. We got home, gave Lucy a bath and relaxed while my family came to visit for a few hours. We then packed up and headed to Tyler's parents, dropped all our stuff off (we stayed the night) and then headed to his Uncle's for the Metzger family Christmas dinner, Christmas Eve service at my church and then back for the Metzger family gift exchange. We finally made it back to my in-laws and settled in for the night.

Saturday- we started the day at my in-laws of course at about 11:30 we headed to our house and dropped off all our goodies and overnight stuff. Then we headed to my grandma's for the Torrence family Christmas. At about 4:30 we headed back home to unload the car and then headed back to my in-laws for the Montgomery family Christmas. (I promise I'll share more about our christmas later!)

Sunday- we went to church then headed home for the Larson family Christmas.

All in all friday afternoon on was perfect. It snowed on Lucy's first christmas, she slept really good throughout the weekend, and lots of wonderful memories were made. Wednesday-friday morning I shed so many tears. However much I hated the entire experience I am thankful that my baby is back on her way to healthy and that we got to have christmas at home with her.
So, there you have it the story of my horrible, very bad, no good week...tomorrow I'll post about Christmas!

Plan B, C, D...

Well, yesterday was my day off and my original plan was to clean the house finish wrapping the last of the gifts, run to the store and get groceries, do laundry, etc. It was going to be a very productive day...and then Lucy woke up, fussy and in the mood to be held...which I honestly didn't mind the whole wanting to be held part! So, all in all I accomplished very little...so I moved to plan b- today I was going to go to work finish up a few things before the holiday's and run my errands over my lunch break and finish cleaning the house this evening...
Then I got woken up by my baby girl at 4am ...she wasn't just crying, it was a screaming cry... she was burning up...her first fever...so starting at 7am I began making my phone calls- "Lucy's sick and needs to go to the dr, I won't be into work today", "Lucy's sick she won't be at daycare today, I'll call you back and let you know what's going on", "Lucy's sick can I get an appointment for her to see the dr today? 10:45, ok see you then."
So I'm onto plan C- after her dr's appointment I'm hoping to stop by walmart and get groceries, go home have lunch, feed Lucy, go to the church and finish a few things for work, go home feed Lucy, attempt to clean the house, etc.
however I've got a strong feeling that plan C will fail miserably and after her appointment we'll end up back home sleepy since I only got 3 hours of sleep and she hasn't had a good long nap since monday night...(she's been waking up fussy a lot since yesterday morning and the fever started late last night/early this morning)...
So life is just changing my plans a lot lately and I'll be honest I'd much rather have plan D of spending the day with my daughter (if only she wasn't sick it would be perfect) then be stuck with plan A-at work all day running around like a chicken with my head cut off trying to get things done...
Lesson of the past few days: life happens...when your a mom it's almost impossible to make plans and follow through with them without a glitch...

Sunday Baking Extravaganza!

Oh what a crazy year it has been, I never imagined last Christmas that Tyler and I would have a baby let alone end up playing Joseph, Mary and baby Jesus in our church's annual "March to the Manger." But there we were, all dressed up and Lucy who had been awake during the entire service decided to fall asleep on cue- just as I bundled her up in her "costume blanket" she fell right asleep and stayed that way for the remainder of the church service! I couldn't believe it my baby who wakes up at exactly every 3 hours for food slept through an extra 30mins and was the perfect baby Jesus in the nativity scene! Here's a picture of the nativity scene:

After church we drove over to my mom's house to do some baking! Holiday baking has got to be one of the most incredible things. Every year I look forward to the goodies that otherwise we don't often get throughout the year...fudge, puppy chow, peanut butter blossom cookies, pecan crispies, chocolate covered pretzels and lots of other wonderful things, it's all delicious. Sunday my mom and I baked like there was no tomorrow. All the while we were baking Tyler slept on the sofa and Lucy napped in her grandpa's arms. It was a beautiful day! Here's some pictures from the day:

Tyler dipping pretzel rods

Playing games with grandpa!

Chocolate covered pretzels!

making thumbprint cookies

taking a nap in grandpa's arms!

Poor guy has a sinus infection and doesn't feel very good.

Grammy loves Lucy!

cookies and puppy chow!

Well now that I have all these goodies around the house I'll probably start looking pregnant again haha! But, it's the holidays, so I might as well enjoy it while I can right? Well, tomorrow is my day off and I'm hoping to do some closet organizing so wish me luck and you might get some before and after pictures!

From sadness to thanksgiving!

Today marks my last official day of maternity leave...cue vent session:
Maternity leave however great it might be is a complete and total tease. These past six weeks I've had the joy of spending every day with my beautiful baby girl. I've been there for all of her moments, we've cuddled on the couch, played on the floor, taken naps together, run errands together and I have loved every moment of it. I've gotten to experience what it would be like to be a stay-at-home mom and it has been amazing...
I now have visions of all the things I would do if I could continue to be a stay-at-home mom, I would become the most meticulous scrapbooker, I would have all of the financial parts of Tyler's business taken care of without having to schedule special time to take care of it all, my house would be in a much more consistent state of cleanliness, I would go through each room and organize and purge of all the unused "stuff" we have, I would get to watch my daughter take her first steps without wondering if someone else saw them first, I would be the first one to hear her say her first words, we would invent new games and take amazing imaginary adventures, we would bake together and I would become a better cook and try out new recipes for my husband to come to each night...
But instead, I've had six short weeks to enjoy and experience a life like that and let me just say it is not remotely close to enough time to live like that. Monday I am back to "reality"...I will be driving my daughter to her first day at daycare (it's a wonderful in-home daycare- Diana and her family are fantastic and they will be amazing with Lucy but still, it's not me she's staying with...) and I will be spending the day trying to distract myself with things that need done at work...praying I don't spend the day sobbing at my desk and deciding to up and quit. Now, don't get me wrong I love what I do and I know it is where God has called me but I'll be honest, I'm a bit old fashioned in the sense that as much as I know God calls people to various vocations, but being a mom is my number one priority and it's my top calling and it's what my heart longs for.
Being a youth pastor is a great joy. It has plenty of ups and downs (teenagers have a LOT of drama!). I love that I have an amazing church family that Lucy will grow up being a part of. I love that she has so many people wanting to baby sit her that there would be serious arguments if I asked my students if they wanted to watch her. But my heart feels heavy thinking that I'll be missing out on my daughter's life by being away from her.
Honestly, I am very lucky to be a mom and have the job that I do because it offers a great deal of flexibility...Monday's, thursday's and friday's she will be at daycare from 8-4, Tuesday's I have off so I get all day with her, wednesday's since I work wednesday evenings she will be at daycare from 8-1 and twice a month she will stay until 4 on wednesdays so I can take care of Tyler's financial stuff with the business. So all in all at the very most she will be there 4 days, 3 1/2 most weeks. So really it's not too terrible but it's still not what my heart wants...I just have to keep reminding myself that the time I have away from her will make me even more grateful for the time I do get for her. As I think about these past six weeks I can't help but feel so very grateful for the incredible blessing it has been to spend this time with my daughter.
So right now as my baby girl takes a nap in her swing I sit here thanking God for the incredible blessings He has given me...here are a few that stand out the most...

I am thankful for my relationship with God- It is my everything and it is what gives life meaning.

I am thankful for my husband- He is patient, honest, hard working and loving husband. He is wonderful, kind, and an incredible father. He makes my heart melt each time I hear him tell Lucy that he loves her or I see them taking a nap together on the sofa.

our wedding day- pictures at the park

snuggling on the sofa

 
I am thankful for my daughter, she is healthy, happy, and beautiful. My heart fills with so much joy each time I see her and hold her. I wouldn't trade her for anything in the world.

sitting up with the help of her bear on her one month birthday

I am thankful for our families, their constant love and support. 

The Montgomery's

my parents

 I am thankful for our home and the fact that it is ours.

(Tyler shoveling last winter)

 Our jobs and in the economy we have been able to open a growing business and that I have a job that I have been called to.

Tyler's business logo- he's been in business since April 2010

our church where I work

So there you go, it's amazing how God can change your heart as you type. I still want to be a stay-at-home mom but, I know where I need to be and what I need to do. Time will ease the hurt in my heart and each day it will be a little easier to go back to work. It's just hard to think she's already growing up so fast...I wish I could pause life for a bit so I could enjoy this time with her a little longer.

Well, it's about time to wake her up to eat again, I hope you're all having a wonderful day and those of you moms who have to work how did you handle going back after maternity leave? Any tips on making it easier? How have you mom's handled being away from them for the first time? Did you lose it when you left them with a sitter for the first time?

Iced in!

Okay so here's why I love this time of year...bad weather (which is actually rather beautiful) forces you to be stuck inside your home all warm and cozy. I'll admit it since going on maternity leave I've had several days that I haven't come remotely close to leaving the house. I could honestly become a hermit and be happy about it...except I love to go shopping and go to movies and such way too much.

So, I'm rather proud of myself right now. Yesterday I got all the presents wrapped except for one which will be finished today. I just have to go back through them and put on the cute bows and ribbons. (You can always tell which presents were wrapped by me and which were wrapped by Tyler...poor guy isn't very creative with it sometimes...) Now, don't get me wrong, Christmas is all about Christ and He is the reason for the season (cliche, I know but it's true!) However there's something about giving gifts that I love. I love shopping for just the right gifts, wrapping them just so and then having them ripped into on Christmas morning! I love making each person feel special and loved and thought about (or at least that's my goal anyway!)!

Our tree and the gifts

 

"the aftermath" my dining room table became ground zero for wrapping gifts...

the gifts before ribbons and bows- I have a love for shiny matching wrapping paper however Tyler decided to buy the cheap cheesy stuff so I came to terms with using what we had. (next year I'm picking out all our wrapping paper! I've never had so many tears when wrapping gifts ever!)

I also got my christmas cards addressed, they just need stuffed, stamped, and labeled (which is the easy part!). It's our first family christmas card with our daughter so it's special to me this year.

our Christmas card this year

So all in all, yesterday was pretty productive. Now I just hope I can tackle that growing mountain of clean laundry needing put away (at least it isn't dirty, right!?!) I suppose it just depends on Lucy and if she decides she will scream bloody murder if I put her down or not. She's usually very good at sitting next to me or swinging in her swing or something but every now and then she has her days where she is overwhelmingly angry if she's not in my arms! (But, I admit when she's fussy and I pick her up and she stops crying it is one of the best feelings in the world...)
So there there they are my goals for today are to shower before noon, put away a massive pile of laundry, finish the christmas cards and get the bows on the presents...

But since it's so icy outside I'm hoping Tyler comes home for the day at lunch time and we can all three spend the day cuddling on the sofa watching 24 on Netflix. (We're almost halfway through season 6!) So all in all if I get everything done I'll be happy but I'll be much happier if my husband can't work for the day and has to come home and snuggle :)

How do you spend your icy/snowy days? I'm looking forward to when Lucy is old enough to go sledding and bake cookies that's how we'll spend our snow days in the future but, today, cuddling with a sleepy baby sounds perfect to me!

My attempt at blogging...

Okay, I'll admit it, I've blogged before and I've pretty much failed at keeping up at it however this time I'd like to think I'll be better. So bear with me and hopefully I'll actually become a dedicated blogger. So what's the point of my blog? I'm not really sure if there is one yet but basically it's about my attempts at being a wife, mother, and youth pastor. I have a wonderful husband and a beautiful 5 1/2 week old baby girl. This will mainly be about my experiences as a wife and mommy with bits of my job experiences thrown in. So here it goes day one of blogging.
Christmas! It's my most favorite time of year! I love the snow, I love the cold weather, I love wearing warm comfy clothes and snuggling on the couch. I love buying gifts to give and seeing the joy on the faces of those I've taken my time carefully buying for. Today, my husband's big gift arrives. This year I went in on a gun cabinet him along with my in-laws. It's a pretty big purchase but, with now having a daughter I hate that all his hunting stuff is scattered around the house so now it will all be safely locked away and he is going to love it! He has no idea that it's arriving today and when he get's home from a cold day of work to find a giant over-sized box waiting for him he's going to be pretty excited! However before this said gun cabinet is allowed to enter the house I have bunches to do.
Being a mom of a 5 week old doesn't often allow you much time to get things done. Lucy, my daughter, I've decided has a keen sense of when I'm about to start working on something or am half way done doing something and will cry her poor little head off if I don't hold her and cuddle just how she might prefer. So, my goals for the day are to address and send out our Christmas photo cards, wrap all the presents and hide my husband's stocking stuffers (he has a tendency of "accidentally" finding anything that isn't wrapped), and put away the massive pile of laundry that has been steadily growing to the size of a small mountain.
Now, does this all have to be done because the gun cabinet is arriving? No, sadly, I start back to work next week. Which I am struggling with greatly. My baby girl will be going to day care 3 1/2-4 days a week and it's breaking my heart. I wish with all my heart I could be a stay at home mommy and take care of my husband's bookkeeping for his business but for now, it's back to work I go. I hate that we're dependent upon my income right now. Tyler's business is still new (he opened Montgomery Electric back in March/April and it's growing like crazy but we still need my check too...)
So, anyway, pardon my next few posts I'll probably share my nervous breakdowns about having someone else take care of my baby!
Well that's it for now, wish me luck and hopefully I'll get everything crossed off my list of things to do!