Maternity leave however great it might be is a complete and total tease. These past six weeks I've had the joy of spending every day with my beautiful baby girl. I've been there for all of her moments, we've cuddled on the couch, played on the floor, taken naps together, run errands together and I have loved every moment of it. I've gotten to experience what it would be like to be a stay-at-home mom and it has been amazing...
I now have visions of all the things I would do if I could continue to be a stay-at-home mom, I would become the most meticulous scrapbooker, I would have all of the financial parts of Tyler's business taken care of without having to schedule special time to take care of it all, my house would be in a much more consistent state of cleanliness, I would go through each room and organize and purge of all the unused "stuff" we have, I would get to watch my daughter take her first steps without wondering if someone else saw them first, I would be the first one to hear her say her first words, we would invent new games and take amazing imaginary adventures, we would bake together and I would become a better cook and try out new recipes for my husband to come to each night...
But instead, I've had six short weeks to enjoy and experience a life like that and let me just say it is not remotely close to enough time to live like that. Monday I am back to "reality"...I will be driving my daughter to her first day at daycare (it's a wonderful in-home daycare- Diana and her family are fantastic and they will be amazing with Lucy but still, it's not me she's staying with...) and I will be spending the day trying to distract myself with things that need done at work...praying I don't spend the day sobbing at my desk and deciding to up and quit. Now, don't get me wrong I love what I do and I know it is where God has called me but I'll be honest, I'm a bit old fashioned in the sense that as much as I know God calls people to various vocations, but being a mom is my number one priority and it's my top calling and it's what my heart longs for.
Being a youth pastor is a great joy. It has plenty of ups and downs (teenagers have a LOT of drama!). I love that I have an amazing church family that Lucy will grow up being a part of. I love that she has so many people wanting to baby sit her that there would be serious arguments if I asked my students if they wanted to watch her. But my heart feels heavy thinking that I'll be missing out on my daughter's life by being away from her.
Honestly, I am very lucky to be a mom and have the job that I do because it offers a great deal of flexibility...Monday's, thursday's and friday's she will be at daycare from 8-4, Tuesday's I have off so I get all day with her, wednesday's since I work wednesday evenings she will be at daycare from 8-1 and twice a month she will stay until 4 on wednesdays so I can take care of Tyler's financial stuff with the business. So all in all at the very most she will be there 4 days, 3 1/2 most weeks. So really it's not too terrible but it's still not what my heart wants...I just have to keep reminding myself that the time I have away from her will make me even more grateful for the time I do get for her. As I think about these past six weeks I can't help but feel so very grateful for the incredible blessing it has been to spend this time with my daughter.
So right now as my baby girl takes a nap in her swing I sit here thanking God for the incredible blessings He has given me...here are a few that stand out the most...
I am thankful for my relationship with God- It is my everything and it is what gives life meaning.
I am thankful for my husband- He is patient, honest, hard working and loving husband. He is wonderful, kind, and an incredible father. He makes my heart melt each time I hear him tell Lucy that he loves her or I see them taking a nap together on the sofa.
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| our wedding day- pictures at the park |
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| snuggling on the sofa |
I am thankful for my daughter, she is healthy, happy, and beautiful. My heart fills with so much joy each time I see her and hold her. I wouldn't trade her for anything in the world.
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| sitting up with the help of her bear on her one month birthday |
I am thankful for our families, their constant love and support.
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| The Montgomery's |
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| my parents |
I am thankful for our home and the fact that it is ours.
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| (Tyler shoveling last winter) |
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| Tyler's business logo- he's been in business since April 2010 |
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| our church where I work |
Well, it's about time to wake her up to eat again, I hope you're all having a wonderful day and those of you moms who have to work how did you handle going back after maternity leave? Any tips on making it easier? How have you mom's handled being away from them for the first time? Did you lose it when you left them with a sitter for the first time?
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